Thursday, August 13, 2009
my day without you drags by. i want to talk to you every second that i can't, to ask how your day is, to ask who you're working with, to tell you about my day. but for the sake of us, i don't. i try very hard to work within the boundaries you need to set and hope that you know how much i am with you. i absolutely despise and hate the distance between us. i would sit on the couch quietly with you or just read or watch tv while we were simply together.
i have all the faith in you and in us. i realize it won't be easy - i know that it's going to feel impossible at times, but to me, you are worth it. we'll cope together. we won't ever do anything you don't want to - we'll find a way to make it work without taking any avenues you aren't comfortable with. it's important that you know these things. i do not want to change you or make you compromise how you feel about anything. anything. i know that i might get impatient at times, but i'm learning too - and i'm not worried. the good of you and me far outweighs the bad and i can't wait until we can indulge in all the good for days on end.
i just want you to know i love you. i think you are incredible. i know that you are worth it. i still cannot wait to start our lives together and am still very much planning on the future we've been working toward. i promised you i wouldn't just walk away from you and i mean it.
hugz? i <3 u
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
I'm sorry for having surgery. I'm sorry that you couldn't be here and were so distraught and that you suffered. I'm sorry that I didn't give you time to say what you needed when I left the room and that I was nonchalant about all of it. I'm sorry that I didn't know until that very morning just how much you were scared of surgery in general. I'm sorry that you have to relive those horrible feelings every night and I wish there was something that I could do to help you drift off to sleep peacefully. I'm sorry that I underestimated how very much any of this would have affected you. You know I never would have ignored your input had you given it - I'm sorry I didn't ask you how you felt. I'm sorry that I didn't want to pursue the other options and never explained in full to you why I didn't want them. I'm sorry you had to worry about me not waking up - I would have been just as scared if it had been you, so I do understand at least that part of all of it. However, I'm not sorry that I make jokes or laugh about some of the more unpleasant aspects of life. It's part of who I am to do that. It's part of why you love me and how I'm able to be happy in the face of adversity.
Thank you for loving me so much. I could never be mad at you for that. Ever.
Less than three.
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Okay, so it's been well over a month before I've updated this blog. Epic fail! I have however accomplished so many other things that I don't really feel so bad for letting this take backseat. A quick rundown on the list of things I've done : moved into a new apartment, got a car with cheaper payments, still not eating red meat, quit smoking and had my thyroid removed. O yea, and I fell in love. *cheesy grin*
During all these things that have been happening, I actually thought to get some pictures. July 23rd I went to see the American Idol concert in Dallas - which was actually kind of boring. It was boring because if you look at the picture, yeah that's how far away we sat - and those seats weren't cheap!! The seats near the damned stage were $2,500 a pop so we sat in the nosebleed section. The concert sounded good but that's about all I can say because I could barely see the stage.
Thyroid surgery was fun. Okay, not really but it really wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I'm actually "in recovery" right now, I had the surgery this past Monday (7.27.09) and everything went really well. There's only a few real risks during a thyroidectomy - having your parathyroid glands damaged, which regulates calcium intake, and vocal chord damage. My voice is a little hoarse but otherwise working fine and the doc said he found and avoided my parathyroids. Woohoo! Now all I have to do is heal up and have a really tough looking scar on my throat. I also have to take synthroid for the rest of my life but you know, it was worth the trade for the scar. haha
So, a lot of huge changes going on for me. Things that I couldn't have done if not for one of the biggest changes - falling in love. Jonathan, you know much you mean to me and I'll never probably be able to find the right words to express my gratitude for just being lucky enough to have you in my life but I did promise I'd try to write something so I did. There was always a reason I chose less than three as the name of this blog. You really have been the only person I ever intended to read it, so for as far back as this thing was started I think it's safe to say I loved you. And of course you know I still do. Now I'm going to go take a nap and pretend you're here. *muah*
I <3 U
this isn't really a poem
it's more like a stream
of thoughts and memories,
beginnings of dreams
sleepy voices and mangos
you're wonderful, no u
ice skating, baseball games
and everything we'll do
shirtless dishes and guitar
lotion, magnet, the cubs
california wasn't easy
monday morning, scary day
promise, i promise a ring
we'll be together i swear it
forever's okay now, i think
miss, crave, want, adore
cherish, love,and need.
those are the things i
mean when i've said less than three.
Saturday, June 6, 2009
It's been quite some time since I posted so I guess the first issue I should address is the no red meat diet. Still going strong - Monday will be 4 weeks sans any beef or pork. It hasn't been too bad - a few really strong temptations but much easier than I ever thought it would be. I've even had a few no meat days all together. Go me! It's been a great self betterment experience so far, I didn't realize I had it in me for 29 years. Of course, the credit for me to actually try this goes to Jonathan. He's been a vegan since he was 13 and has more self determination and will power than anyone I've ever had the pleasure of knowing. He inspired me to try harder to live up to my ideals. To walk the walk instead of just sort of talking the talk. So, Jonathan - thank you. For everything. You are an amazing person and I'm so glad that you're a part of my life and I hope to keep you in it.
Keep it metal, bitch. <3
Saturday, May 16, 2009
So it's been a few days since I've posted, nothing has really been too interesting although I'm finding that not eating pork is harder for me than not eating beef. I never realized just everything they make from poor, unsuspecting piglets! I almost cheated the other day but I resisted the temptation. I made breakfast for supper (possibly another "Texas" thing) and I made gravy from bacon grease. I really didn't have much trouble passing up the bacon but the gravy...oh man! lol I settled for pancakes and eggs instead. *proudface*
Day 7 and 8
Nothing to report except that I MADE IT! I ate a whole lot of chicken and still am, but I did it. I can't say I'm doing as well on the blog as I did the "diet" but at least I'm finally updating. I've been going through some crazy personal shit on top of being constantly preoccupied with lawlz and hugz. As soon as I have an actual day off and time to think I'll be back in top form. As of today : still not eating red meat or pork. So hooray for me!
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
So over all, a pretty decent day. Boring of course -although I did see a trashcan fire right next to some gas pumps at a gas station and I thought I might get to see an explosion, the fire department showed up though . No explosions today. *sadface* Also a big thanks to everyone that listened to me bitch about life in general today. i less than three you guys.
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
In unrelated news, I lost my debit card and killed my car battery by leaving the radio running while I cleaned out the inside, so far this week. That might tell you the utterly deplorable condition the inside of my car was in, but at least it's nice and clean now - too bad I had to wait 15 minutes to get the car started again. It might also tell you that I'm one of those people who "loses" things often. I can't imagine why - I clean out my car once every 6 months or so, there's no reason the things I shove in there shouldn't be there half a year later. Ugh.
9:30pm update : Ate the rest of my quesadilla and had some more coffee. After I borrowed a lighter since I lost mine - which I found as soon as I borrowed one. *sigh* This is my life.