what can i say?

my day without you drags by. i want to talk to you every second that i can't, to ask how your day is, to ask who you're working with, to tell you about my day. but for the sake of us, i don't. i try very hard to work within the boundaries you need to set and hope that you know how much i am with you. i absolutely despise and hate the distance between us. i would sit on the couch quietly with you or just read or watch tv while we were simply together.

i have all the faith in you and in us. i realize it won't be easy - i know that it's going to feel impossible at times, but to me, you are worth it. we'll cope together. we won't ever do anything you don't want to - we'll find a way to make it work without taking any avenues you aren't comfortable with. it's important that you know these things. i do not want to change you or make you compromise how you feel about anything. anything. i know that i might get impatient at times, but i'm learning too - and i'm not worried. the good of you and me far outweighs the bad and i can't wait until we can indulge in all the good for days on end.

i just want you to know i love you. i think you are incredible. i know that you are worth it. i still cannot wait to start our lives together and am still very much planning on the future we've been working toward. i promised you i wouldn't just walk away from you and i mean it.

hugz? i <3 u

because you matter

I'm sorry for having surgery. I'm sorry that you couldn't be here and were so distraught and that you suffered. I'm sorry that I didn't give you time to say what you needed when I left the room and that I was nonchalant about all of it. I'm sorry that I didn't know until that very morning just how much you were scared of surgery in general. I'm sorry that you have to relive those horrible feelings every night and I wish there was something that I could do to help you drift off to sleep peacefully. I'm sorry that I underestimated how very much any of this would have affected you. You know I never would have ignored your input had you given it - I'm sorry I didn't ask you how you felt. I'm sorry that I didn't want to pursue the other options and never explained in full to you why I didn't want them. I'm sorry you had to worry about me not waking up - I would have been just as scared if it had been you, so I do understand at least that part of all of it. However, I'm not sorry that I make jokes or laugh about some of the more unpleasant aspects of life. It's part of who I am to do that. It's part of why you love me and how I'm able to be happy in the face of adversity.

Thank you for loving me so much. I could never be mad at you for that. Ever.

Less than three.